What Does Love Look Like? - Parenting Creatively #7
How to show affection, attention, and care every day.
We know our kids are always watching us, even when we wish they weren’t. It’s intimidating having a set of young, hungry, curious eyes on us at all times. They’re just trying to figure out how the world works, so they observe us. As I’m writing this, I can feel my chest tighten at the thought.
We’ll never be the perfect model for our kids. They’ll see us at our best, yes, but they’ll also likely see us at our worst. We just hope they absorb more of the good than the bad. One way to encourage this is by modeling more of the good than bad. More positives than negatives. More caring and thoughtful than neglectful and dismissive.
They learn so much through observing us: communication, manners, work ethic, passion. Most importantly, however, we need to model how to love. Show them what genuine, organic love looks like.
Here are some ways you can teach your children to love. Do them often. Make them a habit if you haven’t already, and your children will develop an understanding that’ll be rooted in them forever.
Model with Your Spouse
My parents were poor at demonstrating what a loving relationship could look like. They’ve finally gotten their act together, and they seem happier than I’ve ever seen them, but while my brother and I were in the house, that certainly was not the case. Every day there were public arguments. I rarely saw them hug, and I never saw them kiss. “I love you” were words always spoken to us but rarely to each other.
Set an example for your children by showing affection, care, and support to your spouse daily. Show them that expressions of love and acts of kindness aren’t just reserved for birthdays or holidays; it’s all the time.
Say “I love you” to your spouse every day. Let the kids hear you say it.
Greet your spouse with a hug and kiss.
Ask them about their day in front of the kids.
Model what it looks like to really listen to someone else. Put the phones away. Turn the tv off. Give them your full attention.
Take date nights. Yes, it’s time away from the kids, but they need to see that you value your marriage.
Bring home flowers just because.
Do things, as a family, that you know only your spouse will love.
Make Love a Habit for Your Kids
Don’t just show them love and affection when they need it. Give them love and affection constantly because they deserve it. Because you can. Because you love them.
Give them a kiss on the head while they’re playing with their toys.
Give them a big bear hug every time you walk through the door or pick them up from school or daycare.
Tell them “I love you” every chance you get.
Give them a compliment for working really hard on something.
Tell them that you’re proud of them.
Try to match their energy. Get excited about what they’re excited about.
Spend Real Time with Them
What better way to demonstrate your love and care for someone than by spending time with them. Intentionally taking time out of your schedule to spend time with someone shows them that you care deeply about them. You didn’t have to. Nobody forced you. You chose to.
Set aside time daily to give your children your complete attention. Do the same for your spouse. Show them that they matter by making them a priority. Yeah, I’m sure you’ve got things you’d like to do. Sure, you’re swamped at work. Okay, the house is messy. But are those things more important than your family? Absolutely not. Make sure they know that.
Set aside time daily to do anything with your kids and spouse. Do whatever they want to do or enjoy some common interests.
Take the kids out randomly. Let them decide the plans for the day.
Play hooky every once in a while and go have a fun day together.
Go for a walk together. Go slowly and have a conversation with them. Serious or silly, just talk. Really listen to what they have to say.
Make dinner time family time. Leave the phones out of the kitchen. Eat together at the table. Enjoy the company.
Let Them Lead
Demonstrate what selfless love looks like. Ask for input from everyone. Give the kids autonomy. Make sure they feel comfortable voicing their opinions.
No one wants to be uncomfortable sharing their interests. Be proud when they don’t have reservations about sharing. You want to do things with the family that you find compelling, so you don’t hesitate to recommend them. Your kids are sometimes forced to do things they may not want to do. Give them that same freedom. Nothing says that you trust your children and value their opinions quite like letting them voice their own and treating them respectfully.
Take turns picking the movie on movie nights.
Take turns picking what or where to eat.
Let the kids pick out their own meals at the grocery.
Let them pick out their own books at the library.
Go where they want to go on vacation.
Do what they want to do on the weekend.
Listen to their favorite musicians with them.
Listen to that new song they want to share with anyone who will listen.
Love Your Neighbor
“You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Leviticus 19:18
One of the most challenging, yet most important, demonstrations of love that our children desperately need to see is how to love our neighbors. They learn how to interact and handle social situations through their observations of us. So, how do you interact when someone is rude to you? How do you react when someone cuts you off on the highway? How do you talk about your boss when they’re riding you extraordinarily hard? How do you handle frustrating phone calls with a customer service rep? How do you speak to a server or a cashier? Your kids are listening and watching. They’re always learning.
Say “Hey” to your actual neighbor if you have one.
Tell the cashier to “have a good day” at the checkout.
Always say “Thank you” when receiving a service or help.
Tip servers well.
Keep your cool, even when someone is rude to you. You’re in control of your behaviors, not anyone else’s.
Help someone who’s visibly struggling.
Check up on friends and family just to show you care and you’re thinking about them.
Call-to-Action
Demonstrate what it means to love this week. Be conscious about the message you’re sending to your family. How can you show them what it means to be a loving parent, spouse, or neighbor? Love on your kiddos. Do something they’ve really been wanting to do this week. Practice PDA with your spouse—give them a kiss and a hug in front of the kids. Go out of your way to help someone. Be extraordinarily nice to someone. Spread love so that your children will do the same.
Thank you for reading the Parenting Creatively newsletter. I appreciate all of the support, and I’m glad that you are here and a part of this community.
If you enjoyed this newsletter or found it insightful, please feel free to share it or recommend it to someone else. We’re all trying to figure out how to parent creatively together.
Have a great week!